Death To Innocence
by Dude Jupiter
Summary: Yay! A not so tragedic tragedy of Sasami and Sakuya! In this incredibly stupid story, Tenchi realizes there's only one way to "take out" Sasami and Sakuya: destroy their innocence! Join Tenchi as he introduces the girls to evil music, murder, and many oth


DICLAIMER: OOooooo. GUESS WHAT!? I don't own Tenchi. Do you?  
CONTACT: Never try to email my hotmail address, for you shall  
fail in your attempts. Always send any emails to  
dude_from_jupiter@yahoo.com. I don't care if you hate me and  
send me hate mail. I like hate mail. It's funny.  
OTHER STUPID NOTES: If you'd like to know where this story  
came from... Read my notes at the end... If you'd like a punch  
in the face... Too bad...  
SASAMI AND/OR SAKUYA FANS: Don't take this story seriously.  
It's all a joke. Fan FICTION. FICTION. I'm not dissing anyone  
(except for Sakuya). I'm just sort of... Destroying a couple  
of the characters.  
  
  
DEATH TO INNOCENCE  
(A tragic story of Sasami and Sakuya)  
by Dude Jupiter  
  
It was another beautiful Saturday morning at the Masaki  
house, as is the traditional opening for a normal Tenchi fic.  
Of course, as is always the case, Tenchi woke up to the sound  
of Ayeka and Ryoko fighting. Of course, as is always the case,  
Tenchi woke up smelling Sasami cooking breakfast. Of course,  
as is always the case, Tenchi looked out his window to see his  
grandfather in the shrine, his father flirting with Mihoshi  
(who was, of course, tanning with Kiyone). Of course, as is  
always the case, Tenchi walked down the stairs to see the  
window to Washu's lab shining and flashing.  
Yes, another beautiful, normal day at the Masaki house on  
Saturday morning. The birds were chirping, those big  
log-for-Guardians were playing chess (without hands, I  
suppose), and the lake was sparkling (but when did it not?).  
Another Saturday morning that Tenchi sat down at the  
table, greeting Sasami merrily as she ran around the kitchen,  
whipping up some grub for the other lazy people.  
But no, as Tenchi sat down on this morning, he sensed  
some subtle detail that was different. There was something in  
the room that just seemed out of place, something that made  
this Saturday perhaps a little less than normal...  
"Dear God," he moaned when he noted what it was. "Sakuya,  
just what the heck do you think you're doing in here!?"  
"Oh *Tenchi!*" she squealed like a little piggy. She  
giggled, making her sewage-green eyes sparkle. She threw her  
greasy, black-as-tar hair out of her sickeningly white face,  
giggling all the while. "I'm just over for breakfast! Why, me  
and Sasami have become great friends! Didn't you know? I'm  
having a little sleepover party with her!"  
"Oh, joy!" Tenchi shouted, jumping up from his seat and  
slamming the table. "I have to put up with YOU for an entire  
night!?"  
"Night? What are you talking about, Tenchi?" Sakuya  
asked, her eyes innocent-looking enough to make one  
regurgitate his or her previous meal (or two). "Why, I'm  
staying for the next week -- or two!"  
"THE HECK YOU ARE!" Tenchi cried out. "LISTEN HERE, YOU  
ARE NOT STAYING EVEN ONE --"  
"SAKUYA!" Nobayuki, entering the room, cried out. "Why,  
you can stay the entire month, if you'd like! I'm sure Tenchi  
has room in his bed for one more!"  
"DAD!" Tenchi shouted, his horrified gaze centering on  
his father. "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?"  
Nobayuki smashed his fist against his chest, looking off  
into the distance, tears welling in his eyes. "It's time my  
son became a MAN! And to become a man you have to be nothing  
but a walking hormone! Because I'M a man, and I'M nothing but  
a walking hormone!"  
"YOU'RE nothing but a walking HOMO," Tenchi corrected  
him, sitting down in his seat, his entire body shaking in  
profound anger. "Sakuya, you are to leave this house today or  
I will decapitate you, use your head as a basketball, and use  
your body as a kite. And for that matter, I could pull out  
your intestines and have a little freakin' spaghetti picnic!"  
"Ooooooh!" Sakuya squealed. "I *like* spaghetti! My mom,  
Ugi, makes it for me all the time. But see, she has this  
special recipe. She goes into the bathroom with an empty  
Mountain Dew bottle, and when she comes back out its all full  
again! And she adds the Mountain Dew into the spaghetti and we  
have Mountain Dew spaghetti!"  
Everyone in the room, including Sasami, stared at Sakuya,  
dumbfounded. Even Tenchi's anger was abated some; in the  
shadow of such immense stupidity, he couldn't help but be  
thrown into a state of shock. He felt like a bug in a urinal:  
swept away.  
Finally, Sasami spoke. Her voice shaking, she said, "Um,  
that's nice! Uhh, BREAKFAST IS READY!"  
"Cool! Hey, are we eating any of those brown fishies my  
mommy sometimes catches in the bathroom and makes me eat?"  
Tenchi, unable to handle the mental strain any longer,  
fled from the room, his stomach churning and lurching. He ran  
with all his might; he needed to throw up. Throw up he did.  
!@#$%Ö&*()*&Ö%$#@!  
Tenchi thought that perhaps he might be able to survive  
one night of Sakuya staying over. He promised himself that  
after that night, if she dared stay one night longer, he would  
kill her, but he thought he'd be able to handle just one  
night. He was wrong, however. He did not know the true  
stupidity of Sakuya and the true evil nature of his father.  
He was dreaming happily about Washu and Ryoko when he was  
suddenly jolted out of his sleep. He opened his eyes to an  
algae-infested twin-pond.  
AKA, Sakuya's eyes.  
"Oh, Tenchi," she said softly. "Let us... Oh, geeze, what  
was it Nobayuki told me to say? Oh yeah. Let us be one in  
love, Tenchi. Let us... Oh, I can't remember! Let me make  
you... compete?"  
"Compete...!?" Tenchi repeated, backing away from her,  
terror ringing through his mind. *Compete!?* He thought. *Oh,  
'complete.' She can't even remember THAT...?*  
"Sorry, no can do," Tenchi said. "Now get out of my room  
before I STAB you!"  
"Hmmmm..." Sakuya hmmmm'ed. "Nobayuki didn't tell me what  
to say if you said THAT... Now, had you said, "Come to me, my  
love!", I'd know JUST what to say!"  
Tenchi slapped his face sadly and moaned. Then he said,  
"Sakuya, I'm serious. Get the heck out of my room or I am  
going to do something horrible to you."  
"Tenchi," Sakuya said pleadingly. "Can't you say  
something that Nobayuki said you might say?"  
"That's it," Tenchi said, standing up from his bed. "I am  
going to do something to you that I hope you will never  
forget."  
Sakuya opened her mouth to say something, but she could  
say nothing; before she even realized what was happening, she  
felt a force smash against her jaw, and then something hitting  
the back of her head. She felt herself fall to the floor,  
stunned.  
Tenchi moved toward her small, frail form, which was but  
a silhouette in the darkness. He pulled back his leg and let  
out all his hate in one powerful, evil kick. It connected with  
her rib cage; he felt a couple ribs give way. She began to  
gurgle; one of the edges of one of her ribs had pierced a  
lung. She made a few pathetic noises before Tenchi smashed her  
in the face again, silencing her.  
Tenchi picked up her limp body and shoved it under his  
bed. He put some clutter around her body, completely hiding  
her from view. Then he climbed back into his bed, weary from  
his exertion, and fell into a deep, happy sleep, where he  
picked up on his dreams about Ryoko and Washu, his two future  
wives (yes, Tenchi is a bigamist pig. That man just cannot  
choose; he's not man enough. Perhaps it was all the exposure  
to his dad, who was insane (and gay, in some cases). Perhaps  
it was just his nature. Whatever it was, Tenchi was a little  
wimp-face, and he'd never be able to choose between Ryoko and  
Washu.)  
!@#$%Ö&*()*&Ö%$#@!  
Tenchi awoke from his dreams to see Sasami standing over  
him. "Tenchi, have you seen Sakuya?" she inquired.  
"Oh, yeah, I murdered her last night," Tenchi yawned  
sleepily. "I stashed her under my bed..."  
"Very funny," Sasami said, frowning. Then she scolded  
him, "Listen, I know she might annoy you, but she's my friend,  
and she's a very good person, and--"  
"No, I'm serious," Tenchi responded, closing his eyes and  
reaching down under the bed. He brought out one of Sakuya's  
hands, and Sasami screamed. With one furious yank, Tenchi  
brought the girl out from under his bed, groaned, and then  
fell back to sleep.  
"SAKUYA!" Sasami cried out. "Sakuya, are you okay!?"  
Sakuya's mouth was bloody, her chest looked a little  
bumpy through her pajamas, and her forehead was bruised, but  
she smiled. "Sure!" she said with a tittering laugh. "I came  
in to talk to Tenchi last night. I guess I must have fallen  
asleep under his bed, because I had a nightmare. I dreamed  
that Tenchi started touching me lovingly, but get this -- it  
felt like he was punching me! I mean, I remember feeling him  
touch my face, but it felt like a PUNCH! Oh, it was really  
weird, Sasami!"  
"Oh, Sakuya, you poor, poor little girl," Sasami said,  
cradling Sakuya's bruised and crusted-with-blood head. "I'm  
sorry you had that, erm, nightmare..."  
Sakuya hiccuped and a little stream of blood flowed from  
her mouth. She smiled sleepily. "So, Sasami... What are we  
going to do today?"  
"First, we need to get you all fixed up," Sasami told the  
stupid, stupid Sakuya creature. "Mend a few ribs, put a wire  
in your jaw, and you'll be good as new! Come on! I've got the  
equipment in my room!"  
Sasami sweeped Sakuya up in her arms and carried the girl  
to her and her sister's room. Sasami dropped the stupid  
creature on her bed and ran over to the dresser. She opened  
the drawer and pulled out a small bag, which she carried back  
to Sakuya. Sakuya smiled up at the new doctor, ready to be  
'fixed up.'  
Now, you need to know something. I know that in the TV  
episodes of Tenchi, Sakuya was portrayed as the loving little  
girl who would never hurt anyone, but Sasami had a fatal flaw.  
When she was Doctor -- when she was in control -- she was...  
erm... How shall we put this... a little... brutal? Forceful?  
Satanic?  
"It's time for Operation," Sasami announced. "This will  
only hurt a whole stinkin' lot..."  
She grabbed her machette, raised it far above her head,  
and brought it down on Sakuya's body. The blade parted the  
tiny girl's flesh as easily as an elephant pierces the water  
as it does a belly-flop from 1,000 feet in the air (don't ask  
my why the elephant would want to do THAT). Sakuya screamed  
like a foghorn and began thrashing her arms and legs violently  
in terrible and agonizing pain.  
"Quit moving, Sakuya," Sasami said, smiling evily, wiping  
blood off of her face and arms. "Quit moving, little Sakuya. I  
say, quit moving."  
Sakuya could not stop thrashing her arms and legs,  
though. She was in terrible pain. She couldn't even hear  
Sasami's warnings.  
"Very well, then," Sasami said, laughing. She walked over  
to the dresser and grabbed her hatchet. She moved back to  
Sakuya's thrashing form, raised the hatchet, and let it drop.  
The blade went right through its target, separating Sakuya's  
right arm from the rest of her body.  
Next went the left arm, then the right foot, then the  
left. Soon, all that was left was a body, drained of blood,  
with a head at one end. Satisfied that Sakuya would no longer  
be moving, Sasami set about her 'repairs'.  
Seeing no need to waste time on the ribs, Sasami merely  
nailed the ribs back in place to Sakuya's organs. Once she was  
sure that each rib was securely nailed back into place (and  
making sure that no organ was COMPLETELY destroyed), Sakuya  
took a blowtorch and seared Sakuya's chest shut.  
Next came the jaw. Sasami took her scalpel and slit open  
her face, from the top of her forehead to the tip of her chin.  
Gripping both sides of the incision, Sasami tore Sakuya's face  
off of her skull, revealing the bone and meat below. She found  
the fracture in the jaw and quickly fixed it by putting a  
long, thick wire in the jaw. She took her needle and thread  
and sowed up the incision she had made.  
Then came the tricky part: reattaching the appendages and  
putting the blood back in the body. Sasami worked quickly and  
deftly, but even when the arms and legs were back on, there  
was no blood. She tried sucking up some of the blood from the  
floor and spitting it into Sakuya's veins, but that was not  
very effective. There was only one possible way to get blood  
into Sakuya's body.  
Sasami went outside and sat in the grass. Of course,  
Sasami, being the typical little-anime-girl, could attract  
animals right out of the wild. When a sufficient number of  
animals had gathered around her, Sasami whipped out her big  
ol' AK-47 (Sasami had special 'contacts' from whom she could  
get rather expensive 'gifts'...) and blew those poor little  
animals into oblivion. She dragged their bodies back up to the  
room and drained all the blood into Sakuya's body.  
In a matter of moment, Sakuya sat up again, smiling.  
"Wow!" she said, touching her charred chest and feeling the  
long, twisted line of stitches on her face. She looked at her  
arms and legs, which were sown on, regarding how they were  
ALMOST perfectly reattached! (Her left arm, though, was  
twisted a little in the wrong direction.) "I feel good as  
new!"  
"Just try not to breathe too deeply," Sasami said,  
smiling her pride. "All those nails could pierce some vital  
organs."  
"You're the best friend I ever had," Sakuya said. "Hey!  
Let's go do something stupidly innocent like talking to  
grasshoppers!"  
"Great idea!" Sasami chuckled.  
And the two little idiots hopped downstairs and outside  
to talk to grasshoppers.  
!@#$%Ö&*()*&Ö%$#@!  
Tenchi, when he finally awakened on that beautiful Sunday  
morning, yawned and stretched. He got out of bed, looked out  
the window, and saw the two little girls in his lawn. Sasami  
and Sakuya -- though Sakuya looked a little different, you  
might say. There were stitches running straight down her face  
in a crooked line, and other parts of her seemed somewhat  
"sewn up" in that way. She looked somewhat like Frankenstein.  
The two girls were sitting on their haunches, eyes  
focused on the ground. Then Tenchi (his window was open) heard  
Sasami say, "Why, hello! How are you on this fine morning?"  
There was no response. Sakuya giggled.  
"What do you mean, a big ugly man in the window?" Sasami  
asked innocently, leaning closer to the ground. She turned,  
saw Tenchi standing in the window, and turned back to the  
ground. "Oh, that's just Tenchi."  
"I'd like to stab her," Tenchi muttered under his breath.  
"Wouldn't mind giving Sakuya a few stabs, too."  
Tenchi left his room, walked down the hall, and pushed  
open the door to the bathroom, giving him a sight he never  
expected nor would ever have wanted to see.  
Nobayuki, a dreamy look in his eyes, was kissing the  
toilet right on the "lips". Tenchi's shoulders dropped, his  
breath left his lungs, and his pupils dialated. He stood,  
staring at his father, who was passionately kissing the  
toilet.  
"You... You mean so much to me," Nobayuki whispered.  
"Every time I'm in pain... You bring it all out of me...  
And... And I'll never be able to thank you enough..."  
"Dear God," Tenchi squeaked. He slammed the door shut and  
began running away. His father, apparently having heard the  
door slam, called out after him, "Tenchi, you know, there's a  
rational explanation for all this..."  
"No, no, no," Tenchi muttered as he flew away, down the  
hall, down the stairs, and into the kitchen, where Washu was  
trying to push a huge tentacle back into a pot which was was  
on the stove. Apparently she had chosen to cook breakfast this  
morning. Hearing Tenchi's loud entrance, she turned and  
smiled.  
"Goooood morning!" she said cheerily. "What's wrong with  
you? See a ghost?"  
"No," Tenchi replied, voice shaking. "Just my dad making  
out with the toilet."  
"Ohhhh," Washu said, laughing and turning back to the  
pot. "It's probably just a phase. You know, just like last  
time, when he claimed to be in love with Katsuhito--"  
"Please don't bring that back up," Tenchi moaned as he  
sat down at the table. "You know, I hate my life. Katsuhito is  
a creackhead, always on meth out in that old shrine... My dad  
is a maniac and falls in love with... wrong stuff... Sakuya  
has destroyed Sasami's mind, and now they're friends, and  
Sakuya will be over here for a near eternity... What next!?"  
Washu glanced out the window and said casually, "Sasami  
and Sakuya are planting bombs in you carrot-patch-thingie."  
Tenchi stood up, preparing to run out and kill the two  
little girls. He heard a huge explosion, saw the windows turn  
orange, and then sat back down, realizing he was too late. He  
let out a huge sigh, buried his face in his hands, groaned.  
"Girls will be girls," Washu giggled. "Now they're  
nailing Ryo-Ohki to a pole. Oh, those silly little girls...  
What will they come up with next?"  
"Washu, there's GOT to be a way to destroy those girls,"  
Tenchi said, lifting his face to look at her. "Last night I  
tried to kill Sakuya, but it was no good. I stashed her under  
my bed... And I'm sure she died there. But look. Now she's  
alive! Is there any way to kill them?"  
"I don't know," Washu responded. "But I've heard it said  
that there is infinite protection for the babies and the  
innocent."  
Tenchi jumped up, snapping his fingeres. "That's *it*!"  
he cried out in joy. "All we have to do is de-innocentize them  
and they'll be relieved of their infinite protection! Then,  
when I kill them, they'll *stay* dead!"  
"Great idea!" Washu exclaimed. "Now, how are you going to  
go about doing that?"  
"Oh, I've got a few ideas," Tenchi said, an evil gleam in  
his eyes.  
!@#$%Ö&*()*&Ö%$#@!  
"This, girls, is a song called My Plague."  
"Wow, Tenchi!" Sasami cried out. "It sounds exciting!  
Who's it by? Bach? Beethovan? Mozart? Tchikalsky? (I canNOT  
spell that dude's name.) Chopin!?"  
"No, no, no, I'm sure it's a song by the Beatles," Sakuya  
said, shaking her head. "Come on, Sasami! Get *modern*!"  
Tenchi reached out and pushed the play button. The entire  
room was filled with grinding metal, screaming voices, and  
bowl-loosening bass.  
"Wow," Sasami said, an unsure look in her eyes. "This  
sure is weird for classical music... Why, that's the funniest  
stringed instrument I ever heard... And the singer is  
screaming -- he must be in pain! And... Oh, it sounds so  
*evil*!"  
"Of course it does," Tenchi said, rubbing his hands  
together merrily. "Now let's move on to Dope Show..."  
!@#$%Ö&*()*&Ö%$#@!  
"This is called meth," Tenchi explained, a huge smile on  
his face. "It rhymes with Beth. Meth is a kind, compassionate  
substance. It will get into your brain and burn away your  
pathetic lives, leaving you addicted, bleeding your money,  
and--"  
"Then why is it kind and compassionate?" Sasami asked  
innocently.  
Tenchi considered the question and then answered,  
"Sasami, I used to be close friends with Meth here. I spent  
all my money for her, I wasted all my time with her, and...  
Well, I gave most of my time to her. I guess we had a little  
personality conflict, because she began to eat away at my  
mind... So we broke up. It was a long, hard break-up, but I  
survived. I think you'd be better friends with her, Sasami and  
Sakuya."  
"How do we become friends with this substance?" Sakuya  
asked.  
"Oh, meth will be friends any way you want, as long as  
she's inside your body! You can inject her through a needle,  
you can smoke her... Heck, you can eat her! Even putting her  
on your skin will do!"  
"Wow! She sounds like a really neat person!" Sasami cried  
out. Tenchi handed her a pipe and lit it and Sasami smoked it.  
He next handed a pipe to Sakuya, who also puffed away. Soon  
both were flying high, off to lala land. Tenchi watched the  
two stupefied girls begin to hype up. He knew that any moment  
now they'd look like any druggie who has a taste for  
stimulants...  
!@#$%Ö&*()*&Ö%$#@!  
"This is called a gun," Tenchi told the two sleepy girls.  
They had both been high for God knew how long, and they had  
finally crashed, only to fall dead asleep for most of the day.  
Finally, they had awakened. Tenchi had taken them to a gun  
shop, taught them the art of armed robbery, and stole a whole  
bunch of rifles, handguns, etc.  
"Wow," Sakuya said, nervousness entering her voice.  
"Aren't guns... Bad?"  
"Oh, no, no no no no no no," Tenchi said quickly. "Why --  
they help people! Yeah, you hear all those stories about  
shooting people... How the bullet goes into their bodies and  
tears everything up... But it's all a lie! Really! When the  
bullet goes into the peoples' bodies, it's really HELPING  
them! It injects this substance called 'Happy Red Candy' into  
their bodies. In fact, it puts so much of that candy into  
their body that when you shoot a person a whole lot of it  
spills out!"  
"Wow!" Sasami cried out in glee. "Someone must have shot  
Sakuya because when I operated on her a whole bunch of Happy  
Red Candy spilled out! Maybe I should have eaten it!"  
"Maybe," Tenchi agreed, nodding. "Now, I want you to take  
this gun and shoot that guy over there. Understand?"  
"Yeah!" Sasami cried out, taking the gun. "I want to give  
that guy Happy Red Candy!"  
"Me too!" Sakuya chirped, eagerly grabbing a gun from  
Tenchi. Both girls dashed over to the man, who was standing  
innocently in front of a newspaper stand. They raised their  
guns. Sasami shot first; the man cried out, his hands flying  
to his back, where blood was now gushing madly.  
"Happy Red Candy!" Sasami screamed in joy, wiping her  
hand on the man's back and licking her hand.  
"Happy Red Candy!" Sakuya screamed as she pulled the  
trigger once, twice, thrice. The man, almost dead, fell to his  
knees, his limbs shaking. Sasami and Sakuya greedily drank his  
blood while chanting "Happy Red Candy! Happy Red Candy! Happy  
Red Candy!"  
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: I beg you, from the bottom of my heart,  
that you scream the following phrase at this point: "I LIKE  
PINK FLUFFY BUNNIES!!!!!!!!!!" Please? If you do, you can go  
get a cookie. (another note: I will not be held responsible if  
your cookie is covered with anthrax))  
"That's the spirit!" Tenchi cried out.  
"Happy Red Candy from the head!" Sasami screamed as she  
blew four shots into the man's head. Blood spurted out like a  
fountain, and Sasami drank it up like a man in the desert  
greedily drinks water from an oasis.  
"Happy Red Candy!" Sakuya screamed as she loaded thirteen  
more rounds into the man's dead body.  
Both girls returned to the car, smiles on their faces,  
blood all over them.  
!@#$%Ö&*()*&Ö%$#@!  
"You've almost destroyed your innocence, girls," Tenchi  
said as they drove down the road in the country. "Now there's  
only one step left."  
"What's that?" Sasami asked merrily, completely unaware  
of the horrifying events that would lodge themselves in her  
mind forever.  
"It's... Something you'll *never* forget," Tenchi said, a  
wickedly devilish gleam in his eye.  
"Why, Tenchi?" Sakuya inquired.  
"It's an act that will... penetrate you... in a  
sickening, pleasureable way..."  
"Huh?" Sasami asked, growing nervous as Tenchi took a  
curve into a forest -- a dark, deserted forest.  
"You're still somewhat young," Tenchi continued. "But I  
imagine you'll still be able to do it..."  
"Tenchi, explain!" Sakuya pleaded.  
"I am going to FORCE you to..."  
"FORCE us, Tenchi?" Sasami asked.  
"Yes, FORCE!" Tenchi shouted as he drove deeper and  
deeper into the woods.  
"Tenchi..." Sakuya said, her voice edging tears. "What  
are you going to FORCE us to do with you?"  
Tenchi chuckled evilly.  
"You poor, innocent girls who have no idea what is going  
on," Tenchi laughed. "What ELSE do guys FORCE girls to do when  
they drive into dark, deserted forests where no one will be  
able to witness what happens!?"  
"WHAT!?" Sasasmi screamed in fear.  
"I AM GOING TO FORCE YOU TO HAVE MUTILATED CUTE ANIMAL  
STEW WITH ME!" Tenchi shouted evilly. "BWA HA HA HA HA!"  
(Author's note: You hentai baka! What did you THINK I was  
talking about!? Gosh, for thinking thoughts like that you  
ought to go throw yourself in a lake! Come on, have I EVER  
written ANYTHING of that nature!? YOU EVIL PERSON! YOU DESERVE  
DEATH!)  
Sasami and Sakuya sat for a moment, silent, then  
screamed, in unison: "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"  
"Yeszzzz!" Tenchi retorted. "I am going to FORCE you to  
TEAR APART cute little animals with your BARE HANDS! And then  
we're going to COOK the animals and EAT them!"  
"Oh, Sakuya, we'll never be the *same*!"  
!@#$%Ö&*()*&Ö%$#@!  
Sasami held a cute, fuzzy, pink rabbit in her hands. It  
stared up with its innocent eyes... Being ever-so-nice, it  
even nuzzled against Sasami's blood-crusted hands. Sasami  
looked at it, sobbing.  
In Sakuya's hands was a tiny little puppy. It stared at  
her with big brown eyes, licking her hands (which were also  
blood-crusted). It barely moved; it was just a tiny little  
innocent puppy of perfect behaviour and full of love.  
"These are creatures of love," Tenchi explained. "See?  
They JUST met you and already they love you. They are cute and  
fluffy. They are everything that a little innocent girl loves.  
Now TEAR THE SNOT OUT OF THEM!"  
"I CAN'T!" Sasami screamed.  
"ME NEITHER!" Sakuya screamed.  
"You can, and you will, or I'll tear the snot out of  
YOU!" Tenchi roared.  
"I could do with that," Sakuya said, sobering from her  
fear a little. "I've got a lot of boogers in my nose and it  
seems that all day snot has been dribbling out of my nose and  
into my lip and let me tell you mister it does not taste very  
good! Why, it--"  
Tenchi slapped his forehead. "I was speaking  
figuratively," Tenchi sighed. "In other words, I did not mean  
that literally. I mean that I will destroy your body."  
"Oh," Sakuya said.  
"Now, back to business!" Tenchi said, clapping his hands  
together. "Let's get to mutilatin'. Sasami, why don't you  
twist that rabbit's head off?"  
"I don't want to," Sasami sobbed.  
"Then I'll tear your--"  
"NO!" Sasami screamed. "All right... I'll do it..."  
Closing her eyes and focusing her will, she clutched the  
rabbit's head and began to twist. She had twisted it as hard  
as possible, hoping that the head would come right off so its  
suffering would end soon, but the head did not come right off.  
She kept twisting and twisting, trying to twist its head off,  
but the head would not come off. The rabbit kept trying to  
nuzzle against her hand while she tried to decapitate it.  
"I CANNOT TEAR ITS HEAD OFF!" She screamed.  
"DO IT!" Tenchi shouted back.  
Sasami worked and worked. Finally, there was a crack as  
its spinal cord broke. After a few more minutes of work (it  
wouldn't take this long, I don't think, but Sasami was weak)  
she twisted its head off. Blood spurted all over her.  
"Mutilate it," Tenchi ordered. Sasami began tearing at it  
as Tenchi gave his order to Sakuya: "Sakuya, you bite the  
puppy's head off."  
"NOOOOOOO!" Sakuya screamed.  
"Then I'll bite yours off."  
"No..." Sakuya said. "I'll do it..." She opened her mouth  
and shoved the puppy's head in. The puppy was licking her  
tongue when she began to clamp down her teeth on the loving  
little creature's head. She bit and bit and bit, but try as  
she might, she was too weak to separate the head from body.  
"Keep trying," Tenchi encouraged her. He looked to the  
rabbit, which was now a pile of meat strips. Sasami stared at  
it, her eyes blank.  
*She's de-innocentized,* Tenchi realized. *She's under my  
power now.*  
He turned back to Sakuya to find that she had done the  
same: The puppy was now nothing but a pile of meat strips.  
"Very well," Tenchi said, smiling. "Now it's time for  
some SUPPER!"  
"YAYYYYY!" Sasami and Sakuya cried out in demonic glee.  
!@#$%Ö&*()*&Ö%$#@!  
Sasami and Sakuya marched back into the house, singing a  
merry tune... "Death is fine, gimme mine!"  
"Well, where have you girls been?" Nobayuki asked, coming  
into the room.  
"We went out with Tenchi," Sasami sneered. "He made us  
listen to music, got us high, and then took us out into the  
woods. Fun, huh?"  
"Tenchi..." Nobayuki gasped. "Did you... TAKE ADVANTAGE  
OF THESE GIRLS!?" His eyes began to light up, hope glimmering  
in his eyes.  
"No," Tenchi said. "The only thing I did was destroy  
their innocence. They are now evil. I have trained them to be  
evil. Now they do not have infinite protection, so I can kill  
them."  
"Oh," Nobayuki responded, slumping down into his seat.  
"Darn... Just when I thought... Ah, never mind... The  
refrigerator is the only one who understands me... Who makes  
me happy..."  
"I played doctor for five minutes flat," Sakuya sang in a  
dark, gloomy voice. "Before I cut my heart open, let the air  
out... Three bugs, a pound of dust, some wind spilled before  
me... In the strangest manner that had broke away my tear  
spout..."  
"We're all stars now in the dope show," Sasami sang.  
"We're all stars..."  
"Wow," Ryoko, who was sitting on the sofa, commented as  
Sasami drew a picture of Ryo-Ohki, grabbed a knife, and  
stabbed the picture. "You really HAVE changed them."  
As Sakuya bit Ryo-Ohki's head off, Tenchi said, "Yep.  
Sure have. Now I can kill them easily."  
"Yep," Washu agreed as Sasami drank all of Ryo-Ohki's  
spilled blood.  
"Well, here goes!" Tenchi said in glee. He produced, from  
under the sofa, a rope. With this he ran tied up Sasami and  
stashed her on the floor. She wriggled around like a worm,  
spewing out profanities, telling everyone in the room just  
*how* she would destroy Tenchi when she got loose.  
Tenchi grabbed Sakuya and held her firmly, though she  
wriggled and struggled. He grabbed a nearby knife and made a  
quick work of slicing off her right arm. Sakuya screamed and  
writhed in pain as her arm fell to the floor, letting out  
after it a waterfall of blood. Tenchi quickly cut her left arm  
off as well, and it fell beside her other arm.  
The two hands began twitching.  
Tenchi cut off Sakuya's right leg, then her left, and  
made a pile of body parts. Sakuya, though her body was drained  
of blood, was still alive (she still had a LITTLE protection,  
you see) and screaming. It was humorous: she was nothing but a  
living, screaming torso with head.  
Next Tenchi split her belly open and began yanking her  
intestines out of her body. These he ate greedily like a  
starving man. He pulled out her liver, kidneys, somach, heart,  
lungs, and other body organs. These he cut loose and threw to  
the other family members, who would catch the parts and hold  
them, stupefied.  
Tenchi laughed. Now Sakuya was nothing but an empty husk  
with a head attached -- an empty husk that was still screaming  
and gurgling (what's the fun of mutilating a body if it's  
DEAD!?).  
"I love the way you look, now, Sakuya!" Tenchi cried out.  
He used his knife to cut loose the sack of flesh that was  
Sakuya's body. Now only her head was left, eyes darting about  
madly, mouth moving wordlessly (her voice box was still  
attached to her 'husk', hehe), her tongue lolling about. She  
was in terrible pain and had very few ways to express it.  
Tenchi made a 'V' of his fingers and poked her eyes out  
of socket. Then he cut off her tongue and cast it aside. Then  
he made her mouth a little wider by slitting her cheeks. Then  
he bit off her ears. Then he reached up through the hole at  
the bottom of her head and began yanking out her brain and  
other such gore that is located inside the head.  
He took all the gore out and tossed aside the head, but  
still Sakuya was alive. Though nothing but a brain, a couple  
of imploded eyes, and other such gore that is located inside  
the head, she was still alive and twitching.  
In a final act of hate, Tenchi ate the brain, imploded  
eyes, and other such gore located inside the head.  
"And now Sasami," Tenchi said happily. He grabbed her,  
untied her, and held her in front of him.  
"This will only hurt a little," Tenchi said calmly as he  
stabbed her in the back. He whirled her around and stabbed her  
in the face, then in the gut, then other places. Stab, stab,  
stab. He stabbed like a madman! He stabbed like a killer!  
(*gosh!*) He stabbed like... ummm... a stabber! (Hehehehe I  
just squashed a bug on my word processor's screen. But there  
was no guts. No guts, no lunch. Darn. I guess it's a little  
late for lunch, anyhow.)  
Stab, stab, stab. Tenchi did not stop. He kept stabbing.  
Long after Sasami had breathed her last Tenchi continued  
stabbing. Long after she was reduced to a shredded body he  
kept stabbing.  
After Sasami was nothing but a pile of much Tenchi  
gathered Sakuya's remains and began stabbing them. He stabbed  
and stabbed and stabbed until she was nothing but a pile of  
mush.  
When he was finally done, he gathered all the much  
together and put it in a bucket. He bought a paint brush, went  
up to his room, and began painting. Soon his room was painted  
red with Sasami and Sakuya gore.  
"Yummy," Tenchi commented as he gazed at his red room.  
Tenchi slept easy that night, happy in the knowledge that  
he had ruthlessly murdered a twelve-year-old girl and another  
girl that was mentally twelve years old.  
THE END  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES THAT IS NOTES FROM THE AUTHOR THAT COMES AFTER  
THE STORY:  
Hehehehe that was kind of fun to write.  
  
Most of you who've read my other stories know that I like to  
write lengthy author's notes. It's kinda fun... I like reading  
stories by other people and then reading lengthy end-notes. Of  
course, I don't like reading a bunch of stuff BEFORE the  
story... But AFTER the story I like it when the author goes on  
and on and on. It's just interesting because it lets me get a  
glimpse into his/her/its life/lives.  
  
So anywho... As I was saying before I rudely interrupted  
myself... That was a somewhat fun story to write. I don't  
really have anything against Sasami... I mean, she's cool...  
She's just not my favorite character, so I felt no attack of  
concience in writing this.  
  
Oh, and on the note of having something against those two...  
If you have read my story and you are now preparing to send me  
hate mail, go ahead... Though I don't know why you'd want to  
read a story that would clearly make you mad. I mean, you were  
given plenty of warning... But hate mail is funny, so go ahead  
and send it. As I've heard it said before (author anonymous)  
"Hate me, Berate me, State the case then Shut your face!"  
  
But anywho... Let's see.. Where did the inspiration for this  
come from!? I guess it's been a while since I wrote a really  
gory story, so I decided to write one, I guess... And so I  
chose Sasami and Sakuya as targets. Now, like I said, Sasami's  
cool, but I don't care about Sakuya any more... I used to feel  
"sorry" for her, but now that I'm being honest with myself I  
know I hate her. So to all you pro-Sakuyans: I HATE SAKUYA AND  
SHE DESERVES TO DIE AND I'D LIKE TO BE THE ONE THAT STABS HER  
HEHEHEHEHE!!! Sorry  
  
Anywho, I'll let ya go now... Gosh, come to think of it, I  
never really uploaded that last part of that one Diputsville  
episode... what was it.. "Squirrel's Revenge", or something...  
Email me if you want to read the last part, otherwise I'll  
continue being lazy and never get around to uploading the  
final part.  
  
See ya all later. Hehe. 


End file.
